Everything has to change
“Everything has to change so that everything can stay the same.”
I read this in my current beach read. The quote is from the film Il Gattopardo, a story about the decline of the aristocracy in Italy after the Risorgimento of the 1860s. It stopped me in my tracks for how true the phrase rings. We are uncomfortable with change. It's an inevitable part of life yet entire industries have been built on trying to avoid it (think: any product for aging women).
I have never enjoyed change yet can turn to specific moments where it was the catalyst to a truer journey; quitting my studio job to pursue creative independence, moving from a bayou rental to owning a cottage near the lake, going to therapy to unearth a deep wound and all the healthy boundaries that blossomed from the digging. Why the friction with change? A more solvable question: How can we live with it? How can we work through the discomfort & the friction?
My answer has always been to create – writing to work through the challenge or to let the pain seep out in a beautiful way. Sometimes it's lettering quotes, or sketching out dreams, or reading about people I admire. Friction is unavoidable. What you do with it makes all the difference.
Most deceased artists I read about are legends now but when living they were ostracized from their families or communities. The way they chose to live was different than what was common for the time. They believed something was wrong with "the way it's always been". Instead of abiding by oppressive rules, they dedicated their lives to changing the rule. I wouldn't have the right to vote if it wasn't for people refusing to accept their current climate and I wouldn't have a fruitful career if it weren't for women before my time demanding a rightful change.
There is a multitude of other rules with pillars of people standing behind every positive change that has been made. Maybe they weren't artists by definition but observing, expressing, & documenting life from different angles is art in the truest sense.
The goal is not to tread lightly with your life so others are happy with you. Chances are they won't be happy with your attempt anyway. Contorting yourself to fit into another person's box carefully crafted to benefit only themselves will not do you any justice in your life. Don't stir the pot for the sake of stirring the pot but don't live small just to be patted on the head for being "a good little girl".
Change is unlearning a lot of rules & expectations placed upon me that I didn't have a say in making. I'm rewriting the script, it is mine after all. Just like your script is yours. If you're not happy with the way your story is unfolding, you need to change it. You're the only one who can. The only person who needs to be proud of their life is you.
Sometimes, everything has to change so that everything can stay the same.
Photo by Leigh Ann Cobb
