A Message from My Muse
Darling, There's a current in you I've painstakingly watched you douse with negative self-talk & a hustle that makes me shiver to the bone. I'm sure you haven't seen it because you're only keeping your eye out for clean cuts, snip snip, but I've seen it. A little rip here, a tiny tear there, sweeping dust under the rug over there. These things slowly try to fade me away from you, you know.
This is an urgent matter because I've been around a lifetime or two & I've witnessed how this self-induced pressure makes lambs out of lionesses, how it puts out the innate fires of genius' obsessed with unearthing universal truths. And when I saw you the other day bawling into your overworked hands, carrying on about wisdom teeth fees & health insurance shortcomings, I saw an artist ready to surrender her gifts in the name of dental work & doctor's visits. Given my nature & my unconditional love for you, I just can't let you do that.
Your pursuit to patch up the rips & tears like a child's scraped-up knee patched with a kiss & a band-aid is a noble one. Your resilience at tirelessly fixing yourself is commendable but I must say, it's a little overkill & precisely where you lost your electricity. You fixed it right out of you.
I watched your bright-eyed wonder of living a creative life quickly change to an expectation that nothing was acceptable if it wasn't a pristine masterpiece, tidily wrapped & perfect all over. I tried to stop you from falling in love with the ritz & the want because I know how it tempts you into thinking your life will begin as soon as you have all the right projects, the right relationships, the right furniture.
I used to call you a silly girl when you got this craze of believing right would fill you up but now I call you human because you're not the only one learning from your mistakes, my dear. I want you to never forget your rips & tears & messy piles are part of you. That doesn't mean they have to define you. Life will hand you enough heaviness, you don't need to go out looking for it. But it's crucial you hear that I love you because of your messy. It's often in these places you find me & then we create wonderful things together. Embrace it as I embrace you.
Your current will reignite in your veins. Your eyes will light up. Gosh, you look so beautiful when your eyes light up. I'm not really one to sit back & watch so I had to tell you this at the exact moment I saw your light leave. I hope you're not upset, I just desperately want to make messes with you again. I will wait to feel your current in my fingertips & when I do, I'll hold you a second longer than you're comfortable with. I love you, after all.
With open arms, Your Muse
