Have a Little Help
I should not be writing this (my calendar has me slotted for client work right now & I haven't quite finished my morning admin work) but I must be writing this (I cannot keep ignoring my pulse in the name of productivity).
Do you ever notice that after you've run yourself ragged, that's when people start coming out of the woodwork to help you? & you're grateful yet curious as to why they're showing themselves to you now? It feels like magic to me. That has been my week & I keep crying, partly from exhaustion, but also in a releasing sense that I have asked for help & people have offered it to me so selflessly.
A few things they've said:
"Let it spin & admire the patterns".
"You're running. Please stop so you can build".
"You went to bed in a cocoon & woke up a butterfly."
"Those that have the most invested are the least likely to give in."
"You're the right person for this."
Why now? Because I desperately need it. I wait a little too long to ask for help. I want to do everything, be everything, see everything & have everything. The people who know me best are patient with this. I think it's good to pursue all of these things until it throws you off balance. You cannot get back into balance by yourself. It's okay to depend on others to help you realign. They may need you someday to help them realign & you will be there.
Thinking of you, Em
Foreign Words
Il Bel Far Niente: The Art of Doing Nothing
It's ironic that this Italian phrase is what I was drawn to this week since I haven't been in this state of chaos since my last semester of college. I suppose we often long for what we don't have.
Mama Moon & Joel have this joke about being sooo busy. They think it's silly that we walk around claiming how busy we are like it's a badge of honor or an excuse to be unkind. Sometimes people say it for you, "Oh, you must be so busy..." or they preface their request for a favor, "I know you're probably busy but can you...?". Mama Moon responds to these statements beautifully,.
“No, I'm actually not very busy. I simply didn't make that a priority."
You are never too busy to:
Look someone in the eye & smile.
Take 1 minute to look around you, you're breathing for gosh sake.
Have lunch, really taste your food. Let it be an experience with an enlightening conversation instead of a backdrop to your screen full of to-dos.
There is a difference between busy (frazzled, burnt out, bitter) & full (balanced, energetic, lucid). I'm choosing full. Happy Friday, friends! Em
Week 14/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Motivational Mantra
I do not know how to relax.
I haven't relaxed since I was about 5 when my dad used to braid my hair before school & let me pick out my own outfits. By braid, I mean a series of knots that kept my hair out of my face except for the strays that stuck to my cheeks due to the applesauce at lunch. By outfits, I mean a rainbow of colors that didn't match because I was going to call the shots on what I wore.
Ok, maybe I've never known how to relax but life brings you what you need when the time is right. Right now I need to ride the wave because I'm exhausted with trying to control everything, with worrying if I'm saying the right words at the right moment, and with the hustle that is only hard when you're not being kind to yourself.
You can't calm the storm...so stop trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. — Timber Hawkeye
So when my Jeep windows won't defrost as I'm driving down the highway, after we already paid someone to fix that problem months ago, I'm ridin' the wave man.
When there are clumps of Tiger's hair throughout the house ONE DAY after I vacuum every room & every rug. Cool dude, ridin' the wave.
When I look at my task list at 4pm & only 2 have been completed because the sun came out & blew a warm wind up to the doorstep that told me, "Write, write, write. The checkboxes will be here when you return."
Well, you know what I'm going to say...I'm ridin’ the wave.
Love, Em
Week 13/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
A Lyric
"I've only got one shot, won't waste it on a shadow box. I'll stand right here." — Undermine by Hayden Panettiere
One of the things I love about personal projects is how much they trickle into client projects. What started as me writing on a coffee cup evolved into product photoshoot practice for an upcoming client.
It also helped me iron out some wrinkles that I won't have to spend my time on when it comes to styling my client's product, giving me clarity to focus on their beautiful pieces instead of technical difficulties. I'm going to wrap this up to a win-win-win. Standing here, Em
PS. Anyone else a Nashville fan?! Juliette Barnes is the kind of tornado I can relate to.
Week 12/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Home
Home is something I've been trying to recreate ever since I left my parents' house 5 years ago. All my college apartments didn't cut it, as hard as I tried. The rental Joel & I lived in for a year almost felt like home but then we moved as soon as the furniture was placed "just so" & the backyard maples became something I could count on. I'm hopeful our house will become our home in time. It's silly to expect anything else because as thrilling as a new place is, as exhilarating as being on an adventure to unknown land is, it isn't home.
Home is soft moments.
Home is the way the light sits right before dusk.
Home is the smell of bonfire on your clothes.
Home is the way the wood floor creaks as you dance around the room.
Home is the closest of souls housed in sturdy walls.
Staying soft, Em
Week 11/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
On a Day Off
The freelance life isn't really conducive to days off (why didn't anyone tell me that a year ago?!) but I was fortunate to have a 4-day weekend with Joel a few weeks back. It was at the end of February when the cabin fever was strong & the sun had been weak long enough. We had to get out of this place for our sanity!
Before we headed north to go snowboarding, I built a shelf out of wood from my Uncle's old barn & transferred all my plants to bigger pots so they'll be ready to take off after the last frost. I'm also trying my hand at propagating succulents & started them, as well.
I learned how to use a circular saw thanks to the shelf-building (it basically works like a sewing machine), got excited about life & how we grow, grow, grow thanks to the plant-transferring & got a whole lot of "fuck!"'s out of my system as I fell down the slopes on my snowboard. You really can't ask for a better day off than that.
Daring to take more days off, Em
Week 10/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
How Do You Like Your Coffee?
Lately, Joel & I have been treating ourselves with Aldea Coffee, a local coffee company that sells ethically sourced, high-quality coffee beans in small, fresh batches. Their mission expands beyond the end-product with a processing facility in Honduras that they use to train farmers on environmentally sustainable methods.
What I love about this company is that their process is very personable with strong way values to educate, support & provide meaning for their employees. It's more than just coffee, which makes the coffee even better. We have the Union Blend made by farmers, Victor, Maurico & Martir but we also really like the Espresso Roast.
A dash of sweet is also required for my morning cup. Flavored creamer turned into a bad habit after having it in 3 cups a day every week. Luckily, I found a coffee creamer recipe that's super good, ridiculously easy to make & doesn't tear up my insides. The recipe calls for vanilla but I've also tried it with cinnamon & nutmeg. Both spices did not disappoint!
I don't know a lot about coffee other than how much I absolutely need it to start my day. I'm an addict & not ashamed. Most of my family won't talk to me before I have a sip. I blame this on my momma. Or should I be thanking her for passing on the obsession?
How do you like your coffee?!
Week 9/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Things That Soothe
When I started jotting down what soothes me, I noticed my list items were seasonal. For instance, a hot bath soothes me in the middle of winter while a cold beer on a northern lake sandbar soothes me in the middle of summer. To switch those seasons would make both experiences miserable to me.
However, one thing that soothes me to my core year-round is a good ole chat around the kitchen table.
Because now I have your stories with me & you have mine. We become gatherers of each other's battles won & heartaches. We keep them safe with gut-busting laughs over that embarrassing thing that happened last week. There's not much else that puts me more in the moment like sitting around a table telling stories does.
The Has Heart Herio Series I was a part of last weekend reminded me just how much this soothes me. Oh man, did we talk & talk & laugh & talk! These men & their stories are forever imprinted on me. Not only do I owe them for protecting my freedom but I owe them for breaking my heart wide open. & that's what is so beautiful about table chatter; you talk & you listen & you leave with a high yield from each other's harvest, full & renewed.
May you always sit long enough to listen, Em
PS: The background of this image is of the cutting board Joel made me because we don't have a kitchen table yet. I'm counting down the days until Spring when Joel & his dad start crafting our very own. It will sit in our kitchen nook, hopefully stuffed to the tabletop with laughter, card games & a full harvest. I can't wait!
Week 8/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
The Unpaved Path
“What do you have to do for the rest of the day? Nothing?”
He asked me after his last bite at lunch. It was meant to be funny, an innocent joke, but the final spoonful of my black bean chili tasted sour before my reply, “No, I actually do stuff.” Quite the convincing statement, huh?!
Since becoming a full-time freelance designer, lunch dates with old friends are of a different flava. Longer silences (a dash of salt, please) with a lot of me guiding conversation as they obsessively check their phone for the time (a little more spice, doll).
I’ve got the sneaking suspicion they think my days consist of pajamas with cable & calories at my fingertips! Of course, I won’t deny my mastery of making pajama pants lunch date-ready but the transition to freelance is anything but laid-back. Do they wonder what is it I do while they’re at their 9–5’s? How I sustain my lifestyle, if I make any money or why in God’s name I took a sharp right with my career when the road ahead was paved with a fresh coat of guiding yellow lines?
It’s something I wish I had a year’s worth of lunch dates to explain. The sharp right led me to a world unpaved. It brought me to the girl inside not-so-patiently waiting to be given permission to follow her gut. It challenged the safety net of salary & demolished the boundaries of my self-imposed rules. Sometimes you miss the opening if you’re not looking or you may not be ready to see the opening or you may have already found yours & go you if you have. Let’s schedule a lunch date, I want to hear all about it.
Maybe you really love pavement—also very hard work—which is beautiful too. But for me, I couldn’t control the pull from that pathless opening. The smell of fresh dirt, heavy foliage, promising nothing with the opportunity of anything. I’m still caught up in it. Pajamas, spices, forest & all.
Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I stayed on the paved path. I’d probably identify with my friends as they hustle back to the office after lunch. We might have more to talk about. I might not feel “I still do stuff” is a sufficient answer.
That flame inside you is there to keep you warm as you explore your purpose. Ignite it, don’t stifle it.
Self-sabotage is tempting, especially when business is slow. Don’t be fooled. The Universe is conjuring up something for you as I type.
You have just begun to crack the surface of what life has in store for you. Keep following your gut. Or your heart. Or whichever part of your body is speaking to you now (I know you can hear it).
More of my freelance notes on the Yellow blog this week:
Photo by Rachel Kaye Photography
Article originally written for the Yellow Co. blog
My Everyday Essentials
This was the first week of the 52 Handlettered Project where I took the picture first & wrote my list second based on the photo styling. Every other week it's been the other way around. I originally started this project to unwind from the day-to-day craze & now it's feeling like another task ON TOP of the day-to-day craze. Does anyone else do this? Turn your fun stuff into work stuff which in turn takes away the fun stuff?
I think it's extremely easy to do if you're in an art-based career because your work is also your heartbeat (or you're just a workaholic). Now that I've thrown myself full force into an art-based career lifestyle—because I've dreamed of doing so for years—my perspective has changed on what it means to "do what you love".
It's laughable now but I used to think "doing what you love" was the EASIER route. ha! The biggest thing I've learned is that doing what you love doesn't mean it's a free for all where you don't have to answer to anyone or that you can jump ship if you get a better offer or that you have complete creative freedom. I suppose it can mean that...if you don't want any clients.
I've realized I actually prefer being black & white in my business while letting a lot of gray into my personal life. It's essential to be your free spirit self in matters of your art, your heart & your imagination. These parts unearth you & you need to let them guide you.
But that isn't a business model.
It isn't a structure that will sustain you if you want to run your own business. I'm not to the point where I'm ok with this realization but I am to the point of seeing definite improvement to my mental stability & stress level when I have more structure with my business. This structure creates breathing room for me to be my fully creative & energetic self rather than my mentally spent & unshowered zombie buried in piles of admin work self.
I've been pondering on a better business structure, my mission as a graphic designer & what my strengths are so I haven't had much time to reflect or meditate, which actually made it very easy to jot down my everyday essentials. They surfaced quickly: his morning kisses, my luminous body oil & taking care of my plants.
And then I think, at the very core of each of us, isn't all we need essentials?
Taking care of mine, Em
Week 7/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
A Quote About Love
This quote came to me in a dream this morning. I was in a classroom taking the ACT until I realized I already have my Bachelor's & no longer live in the world of pass or fail. I told the teacher I've been here before so "No, I won't be taking your test".
She nodded, "Kiss it. Then, let it go".
Since this dream was now 17 hours ago, it's making less & less literal sense. How I interpreted it is still important, though.
I realized that until you move on from your past, you may see yourself in it again & again. The same ole battles in a new town or a new job or a new relationship means you may not have learned your lesson yet. I think these patterns repeat in life until the timing is right for you to first, notice them, & second, break them.
I used to think I needed to pass every test (that's where my self-worth was, you see) but after a year full of my biggest struggles to date—in both my work & personal life—I'm just now skimming the surface that there's another way here. It's "self-love" to a degree but it also feels like I'm detaching from this "pass-fail" mentality.
This way is a lot less hard on my mind, body & soul which in turn is a lot less hard on my relationships, career & community. At least that's my intention from now on. It's a momentous realization from a brief sunrise dream. There was so much deep lovey-dovey truth in it for me that I had to put smooches all over everything!
Isn't life so absolutely insane? What was once beautiful to me is now baggage. I kissed it...so I could let it go.
Love, Em
Week 6/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Places to Visit
I put this prompt off a bit because I'm really not sure of a place I want to visit. I know there's a spotlight on wanderlusters & vagabonds in the online world but I haven't felt an urge to hop on a plane since my trip to Seattle 3 summers ago. I would love to visit Ireland, Africa & Australia someday.
When I think about it right now though, I don't want to save for it, plan it or get on a plane to visit it. I'm actually very scared of flying & deep, deep water so flying over the ocean is a mashup of fears I'm not ready to tackle.
However, I've been stuck in my house & studio (going to blame it on the weather). I'm barely able to convince myself to walk to yoga so I do have places I need to visit for my sanity. Yoga is one of those places & the library being the other.
There are many worlds tucked away in a library. So many in fact that most of them you can't fly to because they only exist in the mind, the fantasy world, other realms, in the past, etc. It's an all-expense-paid trip to anywhere in the Universe you want to go. It will surely change you.
My upcoming travel plans: an ancient community in a red tent, a small farm in southern Appalachia, & returning to the home of my wild nature.
Safe travels, Em
PS: After 4 years of making my hand lettering digital, I FINALLY discovered an amazing way to isolate my type from this post on Spruce Rd. Thanks, Jamie! I nerd out big time when I find a tool or technique that makes my process better. If you're looking to make your hand lettering digital, watch this quick tutorial. I promise you'll love it!
Week 5/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Unanswered Questions
When I think back to the summer of 2014, I gotta tell you, I don't remember much of it. I was blessedly knee-deep in my first handful of projects as a full-time freelancer. I only noticed the sunshine when it reflected off my computer screen. Only felt the warmth when it blew through the window of my studio.
It was the first week of August by the time I made it to the beach that I lived 5 minutes away from.
Fortunately, my focus led me to a good place within. I read this quote the other day & finally understood what I was up to all last summer. Missed meals, moonlit work nights, no idea what my friends were up to but...but...I started to feel a rumbling inside me. My quaking hands were a good sign. I looked at my fear & said "hello". I know I'm making this sound like it was easy. I know it seems romantic. Sometimes saying how hard things are makes them harder & then you can't see the good in them so please, take this wrong way.
Like a stretch during yoga your body doesn't feel ready to do. Breathe into it. Breathe into your unanswered questions. Inhaling & exhaling, Em.
Week 4/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Slo' Bones Identity
Remember when I talked about the importance of a meaningful brand sentence? It was for this project & I'm finally sharing the full identity with you today! Slo' Bones BBQ Smokehaus is a barbecue restaurant in Frankenmuth, MI. They've got a little thing for the blues & a lot of talent in the kitchen. Seriously, I had a dream about their brisket and mac & cheese last night. The restaurant is really unique because they have a passion for both mouthwatering food & hearty music. It starts with Big Jim, the owner of Slo' Bones, who I worked with to put visuals to his vision.
Logo Suite
I did a suite of logos for Slo' Bones so we could show the brand consistently on a myriad of materials. For example, their outdoor sign in front of the restaurant needed to say something different than their Facebook profile photo did. A distinct & rustic typeface set the tone of the atmosphere we were after, best described by the brand sentence; New Orleans French Quarters hosts a down-home meal to the tune of soul-lickin' blues rifts. When you're at the restaurant sitting at a round barrel table, being served the best 'cue in the region, you feel all warm & bluesy. I wanted the logo to reflect that.
Menu & Gift Cards
We focused on a dinner menu, lunch menu & gift cards to start. The menus needed to be flexible enough to change out meals throughout the year & organized enough to easily read meal options. I used subtle dividers with bold headlines to keep it airy & to-the-point.
Staff Work shirts
Jim wanted his crew to don black work shirts with the logo on the pocket & the team mascot, "Pork Chop", on the back. I loved the idea because they fit perfectly with the moody lighting, industrial feel & brass touches throughout the space. Details like this really make dinner at Slo' Bones an experience.
Website
The final touch was the Slo' Bones website with the current menu, upcoming events & a shop. It's also the place people make reservations & schedule parties for the holidays, work events, etc. I used a Squarespace template & then customized colors, photography & fonts. See it live.
I recently went to Slo' Bones to watch Larry McCray's acoustic show & get some brisket with mac & cheese (the meal I was telling you about!). I was overwhelmed with happiness when Larry played Soulshine, a song that means a lot to me for many reasons.
One reason is that I grew up listening to my parents & their bandmates sing this song at outdoor concerts & late into the night in our basement. At first, they weren't very good. My brother and I can say that. We were the ones trying to sleep at night when they practiced. But then they got really, really good.
The 5 of them taught me what it means to dream, what it means to keep showing up for that dream & what it means to have a damn good time with a few strings & a drum beat. Watching Larry sing "Soul shine, it's better than sunshine, better than moonshine, damn sure better than the rain", well, it melted me. I'm so honored to have been a part of Big Jim's vision & see his dream of Slo' Bones come to life. Keep following your dreams. Make them a reality. Let your soul shine, Em
Looking to launch a dream of your own? Let's chat.
Cover photo: Blues artist, Larry McCray. Photo courtesy of Gui Benck
On Networking Events
Going to design events has become increasingly important for me since becoming a freelance designer. They've saved my sanity. Sometimes a girl just wants to talk in Pantone color swatches or dance to funky music with a lion's head on her head. They're also a great opportunity to learn about new initiatives buzzing in the local design community & chatting with people who have similar interests as you. When I first started going to these events, I'd second guess everything from what I was wearing to who I was going to chat with to how I'd explain what I do. It was embarrassing & awkward at times but all a great learning experience. I've rounded up a few tips for any student or young professional who's new to attending networking events.
1 | Do your research
You'll be able to see who else is going to the event if it's been organized through a platform like Facebook, Eventbrite, or Meetup. Check out their LinkedIn or portfolio website beforehand to get an idea of what they do & what they're passionate about. Even perusing their Twitter is helpful to see any recent projects or collaborations they've been a part of. It may seem creepy at first but the way I see it is, people are putting their work & their thoughts & their interests out there for a reason. Use that to your advantage. Then when you meet them in person they'll know you care about what they're doing.
2 | Ask questions & genuinely listen
This is where the research transforms from being creepy into being a lifesaver. Events can be nerve-wracking, especially when you're an introvert. Instead of freezing up or wishing you wouldn't have gone, have some questions in your back pocket to get a conversation started. If you're not one for the spotlight, even better. Hand it over to the person you're talking to & use it as an opportunity to learn more about them or your field that you didn't know before.
3 | Talk about things outside of work
There's a stigma about networking events being dry & boring. It only feels that way when everyone's talking about work. Mix it up & tell a funny client story or talk about a current book/movie that's relevant. Or food. Lately, I've noticed some real obsession with tacos. Talk condiments. Talk whatever! It's refreshing to be at a "work event" having a real conversation.
4 | Dress for confidence
When I first started going to events, my professors gave a little one-two about what's "acceptable" to wear. I took their advice of wearing trendy blazers & other "professional" attire. I felt frumpy. Now I wear whatever feels good. It's usually a pair of skinnies, heels & a classic red lip. I feel hot & that makes me feel confident & that makes me enjoyable to be around. "Look good, feel good, do good," is what Joel always says. & if wearing a trendy blazer makes you feel good then, by all means, rock that shit!
5 | Keep going
Your first couple of events are going to feel weird & awkward no matter how hard you try (& by the way, don't try so hard, just be human). It's natural. Keep going. Keep getting more comfortable in the initial discomfort. Keep asking questions & sharing what you do. There is no real "end goal" to these kinds of events. It's an opportunity for you to be surrounded by like-minded people & to learn new things. Looking at it any other way takes a lot of the fun out of it.
If you have any questions about networking, email me! I'll either give you useful tips or tell you super embarrassing stories about my networking failures. They're guaranteed to make you feel much better about yourself, promise.
Have a networking horror story of your own? Share in the comments below!
AIGA West Michigan's Fête Dément Halloween Party, photo c/o Jill Devries Photography
Embrace Messy
I'm reading The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's a book that helps artists recover after burnout & rediscover their creativity (at least that's what I'm hoping it'll do for me).
It's very easy for me to think perfection is where happiness lies, especially working in the design field where pixel-perfect is standard & well-thought-out concepts drive the entire project. I mean, that kind of makes you want to get it right the first time.
I do my best to offset this when I'm away from the screen with hobbies like taking care of my succulents, writing & sketching but the problem with a perfectionist mentality is that it doesn't have a timeframe. It badgers you when you're watering the plants, digging its claws into your psyche; "These are going to die, you don't know how to take care of living things".
It pops into your head at the end of a run-on sentence as you're spilling your heart out onto the page; "Who do you think you are? You're not a writer!"
It even takes away the 2 weeks of fun you had simply doodling away fun words as a weekly project. It starts comparing you to others so much that you don't open your sketchbook all week out of fear.
The beautiful thing about being an artist (which I will forever argue all of us are) is that you can take this negative self-talk or your ruminating thoughts & turn it into something compelling. It could be bright strokes on a canvas, it could be a heartfelt story told in black & white, it could be a universal message that will guide someone to a perspective they needed to see that day. Whatever happens, that's not the part you're attached to as an artist. You don't even have to share it with anyone. You just feel the urge that you must. get. this. out. So you honor it.
I had to get this out.
I'm craving to embrace my messy as a human being because I'm tired of swearing at the vacuum when I get tangled around the chord. I'm over listening to my gremlins telling me I can't keep things living (tell that to my fiddle fig I'm SAVING right now) & I sure as hell AM a writer. I'm writing right now.
It has nothing to do with the curated images I see on social media, that's the least of the platforms I'm playing victim to. We have to all know at this point that images online don't tell the whole story. It's silly to aspire to one morsel of someone else's bigger picture.
Listen. Learn. Love.
& then set that aside so you can hear what you're telling yourself.
Are you talking to yourself kindly? Are you letting you speak up & out & in circles?
This is messy. It's all coming out in jumbles. My heart just got lighter. Embrace your messy.
Cheers, Em
Week 3/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
His Neck
Protection. Strength. Gentleness.
I see Joel's neck a lot. He's tall. I'm small. My eyes meet his neck, naturally. It's the part of him I equate to morning hugs, afternoon kisses, bedtime cuddles.
He's going to hate that I've dedicated a whole post to a sketch of his neck but he posted this the other night so we're even. Even is something we try to be a lot. We have a lot of the same life values but it's important to each of us to respect each other's individuality. A dream for a dream, a day of vacuuming for a day of loading dishes, a weekend in for a weekend out, etc.
For 5 years, I've been in the healthiest relationship of my life. I've done a lot of destructive things out of fear & doubt to test this relationship's limits but we've held strong, even if a little wobbly at times. We're both broken but it's an act of true human selflessness to be with someone willing to help you piece things together (& to tell you when you need to piece that shit together yourself).
A lot of transformations are happening with both of us, individually & together, right now but I hope I never take for granted how good it feels to end a long day nuzzled in the crook of his neck.
Sweet dreams to you & yours. xo, Em
Summer Love List
It's weird thinking about what I love most about summer when I see a foot of snow outside but the sun keeps showing up so if I close my eyes & face towards the light, I can almost hear waves & smell sand. It's amazing how much of a mood-lifter sunshine brings. I know my fiddle fig is taking it all in, as am I.
Sometimes I wonder about people living in warmer states & countries stumbling upon a Michigander's blog like mine. I would hope they pity me for the things I do to stay upbeat during these winter months. Or that they're grateful one of their problems is not pulling up to the McDonald's drive-thru to find their car window frozen shut as they're ready to order their highly-sought-after-in-times-of-stress french fries.
Either way, waking up to the sunrise this week has been a pleasure. It's dangerous to be thinking of warmer days this early into winter but I've dared to dream in the name of practicing my hand lettering! Once again, a project I've joined in the name of having no expectations for myself & purely enjoying the act.
Week 1 was heavy & cathartic for me.
Week 2 feels bright & awake.
I could go on & on about this list but I don't have a paddleboard yet & Joel would be the first to tell you I've only done beach yoga once (it starts at 6am!) so it's more of a wish list. The thing I'm most excited about though is having bonfires at our new home. Having people over for a laidback night of stories, music & laughter fills me up with love. Plus, the previous owners hooked the TV up to speakers that play off the back deck. Party!
Dare I ask, what are you looking forward to this summer?! Cheers, Em
Week 2/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum)
Do Hard Things
Yikes, does that seem like a demand? It is. Not in a screaming football coach kind of way. More like an "I'm Oprah & I believe in you, sweetie" kind of way. Or like a Glennon Doyle Melton in her book Carry On, Warrior kind of way. Yes, that's it.
It’s where I first heard we can do hard things. I wondered if anything was going to come to me this new year. I don't put much thought into resolutions because my year begins in August, which is when I like to set my intentions. Maybe it's birthday bias or maybe it's my belief that the middle of winter isn't the best time to expect so much of ourselves. Either way, this phrase did indeed come to me after a phone call with Mama Moon a few days ago.
We were trying to decipher a good word for her upcoming year (her birthday is in December. This makes sense to me). Growth was what we landed on after weeding through a tangle of heavier words no shining mother like mine should begin her year off with. It was decided & we laughed & we set our phones down with a light touch. And then she called again that night.
I began to listen for our laughing we left off with but she was teary & crying this time. Summer, our dog & my sister, took a turn for the worst & they had to lay her down for her final rest. It's a call I've been dreading for the last 3 months because Summer wasn't her youngest self anymore but she's been with us for 91 years of her life. I was hoping she would make it well past 1,000 because fairytales are my frequency. As I was holding on tight to Summer & I's memories & washing away the heaviness of grief in the shower that night, I heard a voice tell me, "You can do hard things."
I've never found this clear & calm voice odd for how little I've heard it in my life. In fact, I think I would hear it more if I was open to it. It sits in a little pocket between my intuition & my fear & I have never doubted it.
You can do hard things.
Like getting out of bed the next morning after saying goodbye to sweet & strong Summer Girls, crying as you smile at the sunlight (I see you, Summer). Like sitting in silence with yourself & enjoying the company. Like coming to terms with the reality that checking your inbox obsessively isn't going to get you your dream job. No, the hard thing is to go out & get it. Like not getting on Instagram every hour to fill a void that you think your imperfect life can't do for you (hint: the hard thing is to be awake to see your imperfect life is filling the void. It's just that your head's in the phone, so you can't see it.)
You can do hard things. We can do hard things together.
It almost feels like I'm summoning hard things but I'm not. It's just that stuff can be hard but we're doing them so it's almost like a celebration of life, these doing hard things. & I'm always down for a celebration.
All the love, Em
Week 1/52 of the #52handlettered project with Miranti Kayess (formerly Pen & Peplum).
A Message from My Muse
Darling, There's a current in you I've painstakingly watched you douse with negative self-talk & a hustle that makes me shiver to the bone. I'm sure you haven't seen it because you're only keeping your eye out for clean cuts, snip snip, but I've seen it. A little rip here, a tiny tear there, sweeping dust under the rug over there. These things slowly try to fade me away from you, you know.
This is an urgent matter because I've been around a lifetime or two & I've witnessed how this self-induced pressure makes lambs out of lionesses, how it puts out the innate fires of genius' obsessed with unearthing universal truths. And when I saw you the other day bawling into your overworked hands, carrying on about wisdom teeth fees & health insurance shortcomings, I saw an artist ready to surrender her gifts in the name of dental work & doctor's visits. Given my nature & my unconditional love for you, I just can't let you do that.
Your pursuit to patch up the rips & tears like a child's scraped-up knee patched with a kiss & a band-aid is a noble one. Your resilience at tirelessly fixing yourself is commendable but I must say, it's a little overkill & precisely where you lost your electricity. You fixed it right out of you.
I watched your bright-eyed wonder of living a creative life quickly change to an expectation that nothing was acceptable if it wasn't a pristine masterpiece, tidily wrapped & perfect all over. I tried to stop you from falling in love with the ritz & the want because I know how it tempts you into thinking your life will begin as soon as you have all the right projects, the right relationships, the right furniture.
I used to call you a silly girl when you got this craze of believing right would fill you up but now I call you human because you're not the only one learning from your mistakes, my dear. I want you to never forget your rips & tears & messy piles are part of you. That doesn't mean they have to define you. Life will hand you enough heaviness, you don't need to go out looking for it. But it's crucial you hear that I love you because of your messy. It's often in these places you find me & then we create wonderful things together. Embrace it as I embrace you.
Your current will reignite in your veins. Your eyes will light up. Gosh, you look so beautiful when your eyes light up. I'm not really one to sit back & watch so I had to tell you this at the exact moment I saw your light leave. I hope you're not upset, I just desperately want to make messes with you again. I will wait to feel your current in my fingertips & when I do, I'll hold you a second longer than you're comfortable with. I love you, after all.
With open arms, Your Muse