The World
A year ago she pulled my first tarot cards.
I was in Seattle for work. Finished the trip with a visit to my cousin & his girlfriend’s place. I’d spent the week in a swanky hotel in the heart of the tech boom. My cousin lived in Capitol Hill. In a novel from another time they were beatniks. Refreshing after the breakneck speed I was coming from.
After guacamole & rum tiki drinks around town, she did my first tarot reading. There was a line of them, a reason for each. I only remember the last — The World. It represents a milestone coming full circle. A goal accomplished. An ending making room for a beginning.
That tech boom event in Seattle was my last. Flew home by the light of the Harvest moon, closer than I’ve ever been to Her. I was pregnant soon after.
Do I believe in the cards? Oh, I don’t know.
But I believe in that moment.
Spring 10×10: Maternity Edition
My Spring 10x10 Maternity Edition is in the books! It was dedicated time for myself each day amidst a lot of pregnancy preparations. 8 months pregnant proved to be good timing. It was right before my energy started depleting quickly & the aches and pains became more of a nuisance.
I wish I had more maternity clothes this round but all of the dresses made it easier. I daydreamed about trendy spring maternity looks. The physical discomfort and all this staying home triggered it. Oh well, soon we’ll be welcoming our little one into the world & I won’t need any of it.
Considerations
Pregnancy Growth | Now that I’m in my third trimester, this tummy is outgrowing everything. I need pieces that will stretch with me.
Weather | Mid-50’s with a mix of rain, clouds, & hopefully sunny days. Spring comes slowly in Michigan so while I’ve chosen lighter fabrics I still need layering pieces for cold mornings & wet days. I’m not including shoes or accessories in my count.
WFH Environment | I’m back to a work-from-home environment similar to the summer 10x10. It’s nice in the sense that I don’t have any events to plan for but it’s mentally harder to get dressed when you know you’ll be at home all day. All of the team Zoom calls should help with this, I like feeling put together for them.
Goal
I want to be positive and upbeat this challenge. I’ve struggled to celebrate my pregnancy for a myriad of reasons. This phase is soon coming to a close and I don’t want to let the celebration & happiness slip away. I want to celebrate what it means, & what is coming, thanks to my ever-growing bump.
10 items
Dresses
Yellow maxi dress (Nordstrom Rack)
Floral maxi dress (Similar)
Black midi dress (Target Maternity)
Sage jersey dress (H&M Maternity similar)
Tops
Lemon Lime loungewear set (Aerie)
Denim jacket (Anthropologie similar)
White sweater (Similar)
White graphic tee (ASOS Maternity)
Bottoms
Green skirt (Thrifted)
Day 1 Can’t go wrong with a little black dress. I don’t have many maternity-specific items for Spring, trying to just work with what I got, but this simple number from Target maternity was a good choice. Side-ruching in maternity clothes makes a big difference. My bump was supported & black always feels slimming. I added pops of color with my silk Saludos but my swollen feet weren’t digging them midday.
Day 2 This was a great outfit for a cold rainy day at home. It was a last-second add borrowed from a fellow Mama. I love this cooler green neutral for Spring by way of succulents & eucalyptus stems but never thought to incorporate it into my wardrobe. Love the new hue discovery!
Day 3 My banana suit! This was a 3 am purchase I don’t recall making but I was deadset on having matching loungewear for this final trimester. There are many things about being pregnant that are disorienting. The least I can do is pretend I have my shit together when wearing this set. Normally I choose the neutral version of anything but I intentionally chose bright lemon-lime. A mood booster for sure.
Day 4 I’ve had this dress for 4 years. It was difficult near the end to wear anything with a waistband so this empire waist was a dream for comfort. Adding the denim jacket layer kept me warm for a chilly day and the florals brightened my spirits. Getting ready has been a big challenge this round, especially after nights where baby girl is doing her womb gymnastics. Braiding my hair made it easy to be ready for the next day though, a twofer. Did I just come up with a good Mama trick?!
Day 5 – MVP This sweatshirt-skirt combo is my favorite look. I love the neon-deep green combo and how comfy it was to wear all day. To make a skirt work as an athleisure style was a fun discovery I’ve never tried before but will definitely be turning to more often. Everything is soft and laidback. It’s all about comfort for my skin & sore hips right now.
Sweatshirt | Skirt | Tennies
Day 6 Super chill for a Saturday morning walk. I switched out my denim jacket for a rain jacket due to the weather. It grounded this outfit more than the denim could. I can’t get enough of my Saucony Jazz originals for my poor feet. We started our virtual birthing class which was eye-opening, to say the least. I was lazy the rest of the day — watched The Mary Tyler Moore Show from bed & ate everything in the fridge.
Shirt | Sweatpants | Tennies
Day 7 Sunny and 60º Sunday. I laid out in the backyard in my sundress. The sun felt so good on my skin. I had a renewed hope about our little one, getting on the water this summer, this lake life we live. I didn’t want it to end. Added some accessories and curls in a high pony to take videos of opening gifts from friends in the nursery to send to them as a thank you. I love everything about this dress except the fabric is very itchy on my sensitive skin. Not great for napping but great for everything else.
Day 8 Hardest day to get ready. I pushed it too hard the day before so I was out of it most of the day. Luckily I didn’t have to think much with my go-to maternity dress. I was inspired by the other ladies doing this challenge to add a headscarf. Yellow is finding her way back to me & breaking my neutral ways. I loved the hue in college. Yellow makes me feel like myself and less of who people expect me to be.
Day 9 – LVP Sunny & warm enough to wear my Chacos without socks. I like the skirt & jacket in this look but I don’t like the graphic tee. I’d like it better if it had fitted ruching instead of flaring out at the bottom. My belly already makes me feel wide & the flare accentuates that instead of enhancing. At this point, I was over the challenge. I wasn’t sleeping well & the discomfort was increasing big time. Oh well, going to finish strong!
Day 10 Floral maxi with a sweater for warmth. Spring sure does come slowly in Michigan. I added a blush floppy hat and dreamed of all the places we want to take baby girl when she arrives & when quarantine is over. I’m sure it won’t be as dreamy as I imagine to travel with a newborn but it’s worth letting yourself be optimistic & look forward to things. Especially when you see cold rain out your window. It was a great end of challenge look — comfy with a silver lining.
I love this 10x10 exercise but next round I want to try something else. The formula is getting tired. I’ve seen fun ones on Instagram like #May30x30, #GraphicQuarantees, & #notbuyingnew but they’re all sustainability-related.
That’s awesome, of course, but I’m happy with how & why I purchase these days thanks to a few years of habit changes. I’m more concerned with style in the sense of positive body image & contentment. I’m craving a lightness & organic approach to the whole thing. Especially with so many physical changes that pregnancy & postpartum bring. It gets to a point where you just want to be happy & flow, not count costs per wear & all the other crazy documenting I used to do. Call off the search & just be.
All that to say, we’ll see about a Summer 10x10. I’ll probably be in the throughs of new mamahood and I have no clue what to expect. I always feel better when I dedicate time to myself though. Look good, feel good, do good!
The 10x10 challenge originated from Lee Vosburgh of Style Bee.
Sunday Linen 02: Rebuilding
Yesterday was going to be your baby shower, little one. A celebration of you beneath the April Pink Moon, the only shade of pink you need if you ask me. It couldn’t happen as planned but your Dad & I dressed up for you anyway.
We took you to the water where, a few years ago, we promised one another our hearts in front of those closest to us (you’ll meet them all soon). Our hearts fell when we saw the land was razed, unrecognizable as the place we once stood. Holding hands, facing the world together.
They were rebuilding the dune to save it from caving in. This will be good for the dune in the long run but we caught it in the in-between moment where you can’t tell if you’re witnessing destruction or rebirth.
Your parents are rebuilding too, little one. Reinforcing the foundation so you have solid ground to stand on when you get here. We don’t know what we’re doing really. We look around & the changes are overwhelming. It’s not how we remembered it to be.
But we held you, in our Sunday best, making promises by the water like the ones that started this family those few Harvest Moons ago.
Holding hands, facing the world together.
Silly Fantastical Dream World
I am wired to work.
Self-discovery bubbles up quickly in solitude. I’m comfortable in this space due to working from home frequently in my career but the discovery of self is discomforting regardless of practiced habit. Especially when what you’ve discovered is no longer serving you.
Pandemic or not, pregnancy or not, my default in both crises or a silent moment is to do something.
“How beautiful is it to do nothing, and then to rest afterward.”
Is it surprising this proverb originates in Spain, or anywhere else but the States? An American is incapable of expressing a sentiment such as this, they don’t have the experience to speak to it. Doing nothing is a betrayal of identity. We’ve been on a schedule since conception. To then rest after the nonexistent occasion of doing nothing? Incomprehensible. The progress and profits we would lose. It’s a silly fantastical dream world that should be quickly breezed over before we let it hit too close to home.
This is exactly the kind of world — do nothing, rest afterward — that will save us.
Spring Equinox
“Nature makes its own concordances as a mere outgrowth to its movement; it is we who see structure and give names to pattern.”
Beginning my third trimester on the first day of Spring calls for a celebration, yes? The rain is falling as lake gusts howl, bringing in the season I’ve longed for since Autumn.
Motherhood — a sacred, messy, humanizing time. I’ve plunged to the depths of a world I’m not sure I’m properly equipped for. I lack an explanation for the topside world on my current location, even to my nearest & dearest. I am different than I was yesterday. I will be different again tomorrow.
It’s scary to be compassionate amongst uncertainty but softness is strength. We hurt, then we heal. Unfolding is the ultimate sign of faith that all will be okay amidst unknown outcomes. My fears exhaust me and they’re contagious. Fear breeds fear. The last thing I want my little girl to be before she even enters the world is fearful of it. She needs me to provide on all levels. Fear is not genetic but my energy is felt in the womb. How is it not? My womb is me. She must feel what I give to her as I feel what she gives to me; late-night kicks, provisional demands, an unconditional purpose.
What do I do in times like these?
First: cocoon. The required stage before a blossom of wings. A cocoon’s exterior appears to be resting but its inner workings are anything but solitary. The beauty forthcoming cannot exist without this sacred season. As with all things, there is a natural time limit. We cannot stay in this protected & comfortable home forever.
And so, second: emerge. The butterfly does not fly instantly from her chrysalis. She first must pump fluids into the veins of her wings. An effort is required to unfold before we can celebrate flight. We know what comes next, we are antsy for what we see on the horizon.
Third: fly. We are not here yet, you & me, a mere season away. The makeup of Us intertwined a while longer. A most awkward stage in-between emerging and flight, the hardest for your Momma to endure. Hurry up, but wait. I hold on despite my unknowing. Trust.
Catalyst to your chrysalis, little butterfly. Wings are coming soon.
Sunday Linen 01: Cabin Fever
It was a cabin fever weekend if I ever saw one. We barely set foot outside as the snow fell heavy. Only caught the cool air when I let Tiger outside, then inside, outside again. Our days are defined by the times we let the dog in & out. Or in this weekend’s case the pace at which Joel switched the laundry from washer to dryer, the dirty dishes from the sink to dishwasher, cookies in the oven until the timer dinged.
Let the candle burn all day until she let her own flame out.
I tussled at length with my weekday mindset. Always worth the fight to keep your true nature in check. It’s harder now to do so though. My self is no longer the only priority. This little one demanding space in my swollen belly has something to say now too. I take pride in my intuition, that gut feeling. Is it harder to hear because it’s full of hope & heartbeat?
The signals are getting crossed, enough to knock me off balance by the hour. Enough to know half a dozen cookies will satisfy me, the apple should satisfy experts defining what makes a good mom — I have both so her & I will be happy. It’s not logic, it’s what gets me to the next meal. The next big decision.
I look at my shape in the mirror as I walk past, glimpse the little home holding her tight until she’s ready to meet me. I smile, finally. Looks like my gut has it under control. Doesn’t need my mind to worry one bit. The process is in motion. I can either get on board or miss out on this entire season completely.
I’m not one to forfeit a good time.
Winter 10×10: Maternity Edition
My Winter 10x10 is a bit fuller this year. The pace of 10 days, 10 items, 10 looks is a good framework during this fleeting season of pregnancy. It was also a great way to discover my maternity style. When I started the challenge I was like, why aren’t there any 10x10 maternity styles?! I double-checked on Pinterest & Instagram and nothing. No one, in all of the internets, has documented a 10x10 maternity edition…until now!
I was on day 5 when I had extreme sciatic back pain followed by a week of influenza flu. I quickly understood why mamas-to-be don’t do shit like this while expecting. Your body undergoes so many changes from week to week. Planning anything too far in advance is too high of an expectation to set when pregnant.
But I powered through by pure spite & accountability to complete the first 10x10 Maternity Edition on record. If someone has done it, please let me know! I’d love to hear how it went for you.
Considerations
Pregnancy Hormones | Need pieces that easily layer to account for fluctuating body temperature
Weather | Mid-February temps are in the high 20’s with lake effect snow. I’m not including shoes, hats, or outerwear in my count. Michigan weather you need to be prepared for a range of weather, often on an hourly basis.
Office Environment | I don’t have any events but I’ll be in an office most days which isn’t something I’ve had to consider in the past. I work in a laidback environment with our brand being outdoor enthusiasts but I don’t want to wear an item on back-to-back days.
Goal
I want to feel confident in my bump by the end of this challenge. The state of my closet was the last thing on my mind when we found out our life flipped upside down, rightfully so. But my past style no longer fits, literally & figuratively. Getting ready has been frustrating with my new shape. I’m definitely grateful, humbled, & so excited to be carrying our little one. It’s easier to celebrate when I’m not feeling frumpy though.
10 items
Tops
Vanilla sweater (Burton)
Olive babydoll blouse (Pink Blush Maternity)
Black basic 3/4 length tee (Pink Blush Maternity)
White graphic tee (ASOS Maternity)
Bottoms
Black joggers (H&M Maternity)
Ochre chinos (ASOS Maternity)
Denim (Target Maternity - similar)
Olive joggers (Under Armour - similar)
Extra
Black ribbed midi dress (Target - similar)
Patterned fleece vest (The North Face)
Day 1 I love this babydoll top. At first, I thought it counterproductive to get a looser top thinking it’d make me look bigger. But the tiered look & ruching made me feel the most feminine out of all of the outfits. I should be able to wear it for the rest of my pregnancy too, unlike some earlier maternity tees I’ve already grown out of (5 months currently). Also a fan of these Target maternity jeans with crossover panel. This outfit made me feel like I was wearing a regular outfit which was nice after all my first-trimester style struggles.
Day 2 I loved this athleisure look and the color combination of blush, dark green, and vanilla tones. I’ve had these Under Armour joggers for years. This is the first time I’ve worn them in a work setting. Funny enough these joggers received the most compliments in a corporate setting, further proving the informal & athleisure trend is really hitting everywhere.
Day 3 – MVP I felt very Parisian leisure in this look. Probably not a thing, & nothing the Parisians would accept as “fashion” but I like it. This look was a good mix of comfort yet feeling put together enough for a day of meetings. Another jogger win with these maternity ones from H&M. I liked the mismatching patterns between my shoes & bandana too. Same color family, different pattern. I definitely want to do this more for the Spring!
Blouse | Joggers | Bandana | Keds Platform Sneaker (similar)
Day 4 The first day I wore my wild card vest from The North Face. I never valued the point of a vest until now. It seemed silly to keep your core warm while your arms are bare in the elements. Now I’m hot all the time, to the point that I’m not wearing a winter jacket in 32ºF weather, so I’m fond of vests now. Played with neutral patterns again & really liking the more playful aspect. My team inspires me — they pattern mix & play with fun colors all the time. I’m slowly breaking out of my neutral & basics shell, VERY slowly. These ochre chinos were an immediate fave from ASOS maternity. They don’t have a crossover panel which I prefer. Let the belly breathe!
Top | Vest | Chinos | Cabin Fever Ballcap | Fields Chelsea Boot
Day 5 A simple mix of items from the first half of the looks. The vest looks totally different in this look from Day 4. I love its versatility and how soft it is. This was a good Friday outfit at the office where I was moving a lot of things around to get a retail display ready for an upcoming Spring product launch. It was also the day my sciatic nerve pain was at its peak & I was completely miserable. Despite all the misery, I’m pleasantly surprised how not intimidating this challenge is anymore. I used to freak at the halfway point with how I’d manage to style for part 2 but no longer.
Day 6 It was still freezing by the weekend but I started enjoying the perks of my hotter pregnancy temps — fewer layers! It was Valentine’s weekend so I wanted to dress up a bit even though my back was on fire & we were going to a casual restaurant with some friends. I ultimately punked out & wore other items from the challenge for dinner but love this look. Super easy to piece together & I’ll be wearing again definitely.
Day 7 – LVP Bleh! I abhor this outfit. Maybe I was agitated by the continued back pain that wouldn’t let up, or that nothing in life seemed to be “working” this day but I hate this outfit. This top with these chinos just wasn’t it and matching the color of my blouse with my shoes felt weird too in this case. I maybe looked better than I felt but this outfit will never be on repeat again. lol.
Day 8 This is now my go-to lounge outfit for the rest of the winter. I love it. Think my hair & makeup done make it look cuter. This was day 1 of isolation due to catching the influenza flu. We were in triage the night before until midnight which was emotionally draining in addition to the flu symptoms I’d already been trying to fight for a few days. Probably why Day 7 look felt so shitty. I’m actually surprised I even continued to do the challenge with how miserable & scared I felt. I’m not one to quit.
Day 9 Still had the flu, no clue how I managed to put looks together. The athleisure look was perfect for my physical therapy appointment and laying on the couch, heading into a weekend of the flu that was the worst week of my life. Ballcaps & beanies were a go-to throughout the entire challenge. It made the casual looks put together but different enough from day-to-day.
Day 10 This black midi dress is the MVP. I’ve worn it since early on in my pregnancy and it just keeps working with my growing bump. I love that its long sleeve with a mock-neck and lightweight cotton. I dressed it down for work with a beanie, sneakers, and my moon crescent necklace after recovering from the flu. It made me realize that transitioning from pants to dresses for the Spring is probably my best bet for comfort.
There it is, the first 10x10 maternity edition to grace the internet. I actually only used 9 items in 10 days because I forgot about an item. I didn’t wear the white graphic tee! I realized on the last day which proves how much easier this challenge gets after having a few under your belt. I thought I’d need more items for pregnancy discomfort or emotions but apparently not.
It also showed me maternity style can be functional, comfortable, & stylish amidst weekly intense changes. It’s inspired me to do a Spring 10x10 Maternity Edition if I’m feeling up to it. Keep a lookout!
The 10x10 challenge originated from Lee Vosburgh of Style Bee.